Getting Lucky featuring Bronwyn Heeley

     I’ve been having a think about my life and what I’ve been lucky about, and people could say that I was just lucky to live in the family I did, but that seems like a cop of an answer, as, well, that would be it.
     So thinking hard I have only one thing I feel I was lucky about, and though it took me a long time to realise this, I got lucky.
     You see my teen years were… we’ll I would love to say I have regrets and yeah, like every teen I do, but I wasn’t mean to anyone who didn’t poke me to a point that I actually opened my mouth and went at them. It wasn’t often. Though I also can’t say that I never stood back and watched as someone went at another person, that I wasn’t on the sideline as one of my mates, was doing or being bullied—most being. You think the ‘popular’ people went at the ‘geeks’, the ‘weirdo’ the most, you’d be wrong, they hit at home first, they hit there worse.
     Still, I was in the type of group that had a Queen B, of sorts (she’d deny it of course). the type of B that sat around with her disciples as they did her bidding, giving just enough to make people think that she had your back, that you were the most important person to her, as long as you could be that back. You had to be that back a lot more than she’d give you.
     When I had my first child, she lost my loyalty, or at least that type that had me running at her every call. I want to say that I did this because I was a friend, which I did, I’m that type of friend. Though let’s face it, I’m not a leader, I don’t want to be a leader and I’m that laid back that most of the time I don’t give a shit one way or another which way I went as long as we got somewhere.
     I did what she wanted me to do. I was there for her, but she was also that for me, more so then I saw her there for anyone else, bat that isn’t to say in her mind that I wasn’t a worker bee doing her bidding.
     Like I said, I had my first child and he became my world. I couldn’t go to her whenever she rang because I needed to be there for my son. I couldn’t go out drinking on both Friday and Sat because my partner worked on the Saturday and I had to be home (she didn’t understand why I couldn’t just dump him at my parent).
     So, long story cut short (or shorter than it could have been, lol), she shunned me. I’m talking in that way they talk about on Friends, and I believe maybe an ep on How I Met Your Mother. No one answered my phone calls, no one called me. If I see them on the street they look the other way hoping not to see me and I smiled chuckle because after all this time I honestly don’t give a shit.
     It took me a long time to get to this point. To not be pissed, not so much because I lost the friend that I had, the sheep that followed and lapped at her feet, but that they did that to me, they shunned me. That SHE did that to me, which, like I said, took me a long time to realise that she did me the biggest favours in my life.
     She gave me the gift of leaving me, of allowing me to go out into the world and not have to do what she said, or allow her bulling tactics stop me in my tracks.
     I’d like to think I wouldn’t have been swayed, and in truth, I wouldn’t have. She wouldn’t have stopped me from writing what I write, from reading what I read, because as much as she wanted me to be hers I was my own person and I never allow people to tell me not to like something, to not be the person I am. But if we’d still been friends with her—with that group, I wouldn’t have started reading in the first place, and without reading I wouldn’t have realised how much I wanted—needed, to write.
     I get it, how is this about ‘getting lucky’?? I hear you, but this was me GETTING LUCKY, it’s may have taken me a long time to get to this realisation. Because I love where my life is heading, I like that it has a place to go, that I have a ten year plan, and if I’d stayed friends with her my life would have been filled with an emptiness that isn’t there anymore, that nothing would have been able to fill, because this is what I want. This profession is the only one that’s kept my attention for more than a few years. 
     This is where I needed to be and I got effing luck that I am able to be here, and not sitting in some bitches backyard getting drunk off my arse 4 days a week, because that’s where I was heading in that group, that’s the life I would have had.
     How fucking boring.